So You Think You Can Move

Despite the fact Jared and the truck o'our things left yesterday, the house still looks full. And despite the fact that the house still looks full, I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance and blogging. I should be sorting through stuff. Or at the very least throwing it all away. Or I could just throw the word "should" away. When I feel the overwhelming panic of forgetting something crucial or not getting it all done, I push my breath through my mouth and shoulders and tell myself On Tuesday I will get on a plane and take with me what I take with me. And all will be okay.

Tomorrow morning my brother and I are going to Carmax to get their quote on my beloved Yaris. I honestly love that car. I've never been attached to a car before. But the Yaris and I have had five solid years together. Road trips to Santa Barbara, Yuma and Libby, Montana. It's the first car I picked out and bought on my own. I've moved so many times with it's deceptively spacious hatchback. And I'm months away from paying it off. BUT... we don't need two cars. And a two-door car doesn't work too well as the only car of a family with a car seat. I looked into shipping it: $1200. A friend offered to drive it: 3,300 miles and $500ish in gas. And then it's there and what then? I've researched Kelly Blue Book and I could get $9k for it... if I want to go through the selling of it. That could pay for our move and much more. Should I? What about? What if? Then what? But? On Tuesday I will get on a plane and take with me what I take with me. And all will be okay.

I also feel oddly calm. Maybe the repetition of the mantra is actually working. Or maybe I'll be forced to have the passenger next to me on the plane hold my energy-that-never-stops son while I sob all the way to Atlanta. It could go either way. Henry's presence often requires emotions that I don't necessarily have at the time. Patience when I want to sleep. Joy when I want to cry. Energy when I want to be watching TV. Regardless, Jared will meet us at the little Portland airport and Henry will say "Hi Pop" and all will be okay.